Who Do I Blame - Part 2

It appeared as long as I was young, naive and easily manipulated - marriage was good. As long as I knew he was making money and taking care of home I would be fine. Hmmmm... We know most men know the game so well they feel they can never get caught. Or so they think... On the same token we as women know & feel when things aren't quite right but we tend to try to make excuses or look the other way... Until we actually see it with our own eyes and/or he feels he has us under such a spell with the loving and trinkets that we'll second guess the truth!

Yes indeed, the truth will ALWAYS rear itself.

The day came when I had to make some decisions. Decisions on his insecurity, his constant questions @ what I'M doing , unfamiliar hotel receipts and his travelling.

As painful as it was I made the decision to leave a gorgeous, custom made home with an Olympic size indoor pool! It was absolutely a dream home! We were the envy of friends & family! Of course I didn't win a popularity contest with my children. "I" was the reason we broke up.
"I" was the one breaking up the family. "I" was the one preventing us from shopping. Interestingly enough "I" was starting to second guess my moving out due to the trinkets and what people would think about my "perfect" life. I also thought maybe "I" could give it another chance. Regardless if I did EVERYTHING humanly possible to keep it together!

Then I realized - I SELL HOMES!!! I FOUND THIS ONE!!!! Hell, I can have something twice as nice as this - ONCE I GET MY MIND RIGHT!

I proceeded with my move. Although it was painful I continued to move forward with my life. As I moved myself physically from my old home my heart was still with my ex.

Who Do I Blame - Part I

There's enough blame to go around... Him, the groupies that are ALWAYS hanging around - ready to do ANYTHING he could imagine, the constant travelling, the accessibility to anything and anybody and last but not at all least the MONEY. Yeah, the money... Something I always wanted but didn't know would bring so much pain.

As I muddled through the hurt and pain I began to find myself. That sounds profound to some because one probably asks "How can you loose yourself when you're always with yourself?" Hmmmm, let me tell you it's quite easy to get caught up trying to be everything for someone that you love soooo much and completely forget your own needs and wants. Now on the other hand I wanted what he wanted and it made me happy doing things to make it work and him happy. But as time passed I found myself being a "clone" of him. Meaning turning some of my dreams and wants into what he wanted for me. Bad move!

See, I was practically a teenager when we met and he was 8 years older than me. So everything he said was golden! I hung onto EVERY word. He was fine, every woman wanted him, he was successful, gave me money anytime I wanted, we travelled anywhere I wanted to go and he was very respected and liked by his friends. Treated me and made me feel like a QUEEN! A true package!!!

But all good things must come to an end...